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Discussing the difference between how we see ourselves and how others perceive us.
Have you ever heard a recording of your own voice and thought, 'Wait, do I really sound like that?' or seen a photo and wondered if that’s how the world actually sees you?
We all have a Self-Perception, which is the internal 'movie' we play about who we are. This includes our secrets, our fears, and our intentions. However, other people don't have access to your thoughts! They only see your External Identity—your actions, words, and expressions. Think of it like a book: you know the whole story because you wrote it, but others might only see the front cover and a few random pages. This gap between what we feel and what others see is called the 'Social Mirror.' Understanding this helps us realize that people might not always know we are nervous or excited unless we show it.
1. Maya feels very brave and creative inside because she spends hours drawing dragons. 2. In class, Maya is very quiet and never raises her hand. 3. Her teacher perceives her as 'shy,' even though Maya feels 'adventurous.' 4. Maya realizes she needs to share one drawing to align her internal self with her teacher's perception.
Quick Check
What is the main difference between self-perception and external identity?
Answer
Self-perception is based on internal thoughts and feelings, while external identity is based on observable actions and words.
Did you know it takes about seconds for someone to form a First Impression of you? In that tiny window of time, people use Social Cues to decide if you are friendly, confident, or bored. These cues include your posture, whether you make eye contact, and your 'tone of voice.' It isn't about being 'fake'; it's about how our brains are wired to quickly categorize information. If you walk into a room with your head down, someone might think you are sad, even if you are just looking for a dropped pencil!
Imagine joining a soccer team. To create a positive first impression, you could: 1. Stand with 'open' posture (shoulders back) to show confidence. 2. Offer a high-five to a teammate to show friendliness. 3. Use a clear, loud voice when introducing yourself. Even if you feel nervous, these actions change how the team perceives your 'Social Mirror.'
Quick Check
Name three 'Social Cues' that influence a first impression.
Answer
Posture, eye contact, and tone of voice.
Do you act the same way at a birthday party as you do at your grandparent's dinner table? Probably not! This is called Social Context. We often shift our behavior to fit the 'vibe' of the group we are with. This doesn't mean you have a 'fake' personality. Instead, think of your identity as a diamond with many different faces. One face shines when you are with your best friends (being silly), and another face shines when you are in a classroom (being focused). Learning to navigate these different groups is a key part of growing up and building Social Intelligence.
Leo is the 'class clown' with his friends, but he is paired with two very serious students for a science project. 1. Leo realizes his 'clown' persona might frustrate his new partners. 2. He decides to use his 'focused' persona during the meeting. 3. He still makes one small joke to stay true to himself but keeps the work as the priority. 4. Result: He successfully balances his identity with the needs of the group.
Why might a friend describe you differently than you describe yourself?
How long does it typically take to form a first impression?
Acting differently around your teachers than you do with your friends means you are being 'fake.'
Review Tomorrow
In 24 hours, try to remember the difference between 'Self-Perception' and 'External Identity.' Can you think of one time today where they were different?
Practice Activity
The 'Mirror Interview': Ask a trusted friend or family member to list three words that describe you. Compare those words to the three words you would use to describe yourself. Are they the same or different?