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Tools for talking to people who have a completely different perspective than your own.
Imagine you and your best friend are arguing about the best pizza topping. One of you loves pineapple, and the other thinks it's a crime! How do you talk about it without getting mad or ending the friendship?
In most games, the goal is to win. But a dialogue isn't a game! In an argument, people usually try to prove they are 'right' and the other person is 'wrong.' This often leads to shouting or hurt feelings. In a dialogue, the goal is understanding. You aren't trying to change the other person's mind; you are trying to see the world through their eyes. Think of it like a bridge: you are building a path to see what is on the other side, even if you decide to stay on your side of the river.
Quick Check
What is the primary goal of a respectful dialogue?
Answer
The goal is to understand the other person's perspective, not to win an argument.
Active listening is a superpower. It means you are listening with your whole self, not just waiting for your turn to speak. To do this, use the 'SSS' method: Stay focused (no phones!), Show you are listening (nodding and eye contact), and Summarize. When the other person finishes, try saying, 'So, what I hear you saying is...' This proves you were actually paying attention and helps clear up any mistakes before they turn into fights.
1. Your friend says: 'I hate working in groups because I feel like I do all the work.' 2. You listen without interrupting. 3. You summarize: 'It sounds like you feel frustrated because you want the work to be shared equally. Is that right?' 4. Your friend feels heard and is now ready to listen to you.
Quick Check
What does it mean to 'summarize' during a conversation?
Answer
It means repeating back what you heard in your own words to ensure you understood correctly.
When we disagree, we often use 'You' statements like 'You are being mean' or 'You always ruin things.' This makes people feel attacked. Instead, use 'I' statements. These focus on your own feelings and experiences. A simple formula for an 'I' statement is:
By focusing on yourself, you keep the 'bridge' open instead of building a wall.
Scenario: Your partner is talking over you during a presentation. 1. The 'You' Statement (Avoid this): 'You are so rude and you never let me talk!' 2. The 'I' Statement (Use this): 'I feel frustrated when I am interrupted because I want to make sure my ideas are heard too.' 3. Result: Your partner understands your feelings without feeling like they need to fight back.
Sometimes you will talk to someone who has a perspective that feels totally 'alien' to you. In these moments, remember that identity—who we are and where we come from—shapes how we see the world. You don't have to agree with them to respect them. Use curiosity instead of judgment. Ask questions like, 'Can you help me understand why you feel that way?'
Scenario: You think school uniforms are great, but your friend thinks they are terrible. 1. Instead of saying 'That's a bad idea,' ask a curiosity question: 'What is the biggest reason you dislike them?' 2. Listen to their answer (Active Listening). 3. Use an 'I' statement: 'I see your point about wanting to choose your own clothes. I like them because I don't have to worry about what to wear in the morning.' 4. Both people share their views without an argument.
Which of these is a 'summary' statement used in active listening?
What makes an 'I' statement effective?
In a respectful dialogue, you must eventually agree with the other person's perspective.
Review Tomorrow
In 24 hours, try to recall the three parts of an 'I' statement: Feelings, Event, and Reason.
Practice Activity
Try this on your own: The next time you disagree with someone about a small thing (like a movie or a game), try to summarize their opinion before you give your own.