How We Choose Friends

The first ingredient in the friendship formula is proximity. This simply means being physically close to someone. Think about your classroom: you are much more likely to become friends with the person sitting at the desk next to you than someone in a different building. Psychologists call this the mere exposure effect. This means that the more often we see someone, the more we tend to like them because they feel familiar and safe. If we represent the chance of friendship as $F$ and the number of times we see someone as $E$, we can think of it like this: as $E$ increases, the likelihood of $F$ usually goes up too!

While proximity gets you in the same room, similarity is what keeps you talking. We are naturally drawn to people who share our interests, values, or hobbies. This is often called the similarity-attraction effect. Whether it is a love for a specific video game, a shared sport, or even just a similar sense of humor, these commonalities provide a 'bridge' for conversation. It is much easier to start a friendship when you don't have to explain why you like something—the other person already gets it!

Once you are near someone and find common ground, you move to self-disclosure. This is the process of sharing personal information, thoughts, and feelings with another person. It usually starts small (like sharing your favorite movie) and grows deeper (like sharing a fear). For a friendship to grow, this must be a 'two-way street' called reciprocity. If one person shares a secret, the other person usually shares something back. This creates a cycle of trust that turns an acquaintance into a true friend.